It's almost like I wrote that last post then immediately forgot it existed. I want so many things and its time to start going after them. There's only so much wanting I can do; only so much waiting with outstretched hands full of heartbeats that no one can understand but me. anguish. I have to do something about it. I want to spend more time with God but it seems as though I would rather hide from Him and not acknowledge it. I want to practice moderation and self-control to become a healthier me, but the only thing in my life losing weight is my words. I want to be a person that people love being around, but the only language I use is fowl. I want to be loved, but I never miss an opportunity to pass hate to the ones that only wish me well.

I'm so done with my hate and anger. I'm finished with not thinking before I speak. I'm through with being a hypocrite, and my double life is over. There are only so many times I can shower myself with prose and beautiful language to forget my troubles. Hang me out to dry.

Last night, I told some people to pray for my complacency in life.. (Please, remind me never to do that again). Life is only lame because I'm making it that way. I want so many things but I need to try actually achieving them.

Hold me accountable?

I want to live for something.

I want to succeed. I want life to be perfect, even when it isn't. I want to tell you about how my best friend's laughter is something that makes me feel whole again. I want to feel the depth of my emotions. I want to think back to times when I felt alive and angry and sad and anxious and happy and annoyed and I want to r e m e m b e r it. I want to scratch the surfaces of my past and get enough of the substance under my fingernails to carry around with me, to remind me, but not to break me.
I want to fall in love with a guy that will love me back. I want our love to be real. I want to feel its reminders, my heart pulsing in my wrists, something real in my chest. I want to spend so much time with him that we become less like to people and more like one person. I want words of my unwinding day to be taken in by him, not pulled along by the air into no where. I want the ability to give all of my love to one person and not let romantic love die inside me. I want to agree to never grow apart, but always closer.
I want to give everyone everything. I want to always be there when you want me there. I want to stop keeping things at arms length. I want to find a flame and swallow it whole. I want to fall in love with strangers and daydream about running away. I want to stop waiting for the storm to pass and learn to deal with metaphorical rain.
I want to know that all my steps from these last sixteen months were leading up to here and I want the best for everyone I've ever met in this journey. I want to love with everything I've got, and bear the trouble of the ones I love. I want to care about the things they love! I want to be a person people enjoy being around. I want to hear their stories about life and love, still waiting to be unmasked.
I want to scream as loud as my voice will let me, and not muffle the sounds. I want to stop walking around with anger and resentment in my veins, I don't want to carry it forever.
I want to believe that growing older means growing bolder.
I want to walk on water because I have been swimming in surrender long enough.
I want to soar on wings like eagles.
I want to run and not grow weary.
I want to walk and not faint.

My heart goes out to everyone at the University of Texas

My two favorite shows are back!

GLEE

GOSSIP GIRL

too bad I won't have any time to watch them!

Something people don't know about me..

...I love love LOVE old movies!
I am attempting to have a movie marathon as I write this.
There are certain men from the golden age of Hollywood that make me weak at the knees.

Clark Gable

gone with the wind

mutiny on the bounty

Gene Kelly

anchors aweigh (my all-time favorite movie)

an american in paris

singin in the rain

Dick Van Dyke (of course)

chitty chitty bang bang

mary poppins

These men steal my heart!

Someone has a birthday today!

Dearest Allison, 

I hope you're summer is going well. AND I hope you do something really fun today! Get excited about my package that I'm sending you :)

Happy Birthday

mettre à la voile

"Our anchors we will weigh, our sails we will set; the friends we are leaving we will never forget"

Voulez-vous à savoir

I took a short hiatus from blogging. I realized early this semester that I should cut down on distractions. How do I do that? By adding more distractions to distract me from my distractions........
I am aware you all are giddy with excitement at the thought of knowing what I have been up to.

I'm dying - It is hot! Walking around on campus is like walking on the surface of the sun. I wear jackets everywhere I go because my skin is super sensitive. I have a fear of my skin becoming dark. My friends like to make fun of me because they think it's strange.

I had my dreams mercilessly crushed by the TWU housing department. I love having reminders that my friends are better than myself. C'est grand!

That reminds me, I'm teaching myself french. Everyone thinks I'm insane, but that's ok. People love to ask me why I'm teaching myself french, and my only real response is why not? Is it really that abnormal for me to enlighten myself in the form of learning another language? I think not.

I took Microbiology this semester. My soul dies a little every time I crack that particular textbook open. Nothing is harder than taking a course in one three hour chunk at night. I know more about bacteria than I ever planned on knowing.

My professor is pretty amazing though. Did I google-image her? Yes. Firstly, her name is Nannette, but we affectionately call her Nani like we've known her forever (some students have probably taken her course so many times that they know this feeling well). She is most likely the thinnest human alive. Nani is very random and we have learned to use that quirk to our advantage. Twice now, we have tricked her into giving us points for attendance and had our weekly quiz dropped. Oh, btw, if you develop a rash that is either on your hands or shaped like a bulls-eye, you should probably see a doctor.

I fell in love with Nutella. You know what Nutella is. If you do not know, please wear a foil hat on your head so I know where you are. I thought I was the last person on the face of the planet to try this delicious treat. My tree-nut allergy was giving me some major pause. One night, I took a leap of faith into the amazing world of Nutella, and I do not plan on turning back.

Speaking of Nutella, I decided to treat all of my friends to a super tasty breakfast! I used a special recipe from my friend who shall not be named. Her recipe requires that one takes normal wheat bread and flatten it, because according to her, it will contain less calories that way. I almost dislocated my jaw from laughing.

Lastly, I helped my neighbor, Kailin, make a button. I'm not sure if my soul has ever seen such trying times! I resorted to agreeing with any changes; "yes I love that / yes that one is not right" became my phrase of choice. Check out all our hard work and pay her blog a visit while you're at it!

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all of the time: repetitive, loveless relations, an accumulation of mental and emotional garbage, frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness, paranoid loneliness, all-consuming (yet never satisfied) wants, cutthroat competition, small-minded pursuits, the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival, uncontrollable addictions, and worshiping false idols that will die alongside you. 

Live freely, animated and motivated by the spirit, letting the will of God be your only desire. Then you won't feel the need to feed the compulsions of selfishness" - The Message

Just in time, as always.

 Snow always puts me in a good mood :)

Yay for texas weather.

My newww dorm door.

I am pleased. I think the theme is SO precious. Since my RA doesn't really get into theme-ing our floor (she says she's soo incredibly busy), I might as well add some life to my door. Who doesn't love a good nautical theme?

Beetween these two I now felt I had to choose...

“All things therefore seemed to point to this: that I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse. Between these two I now felt I had to choose…”

           - The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

New Title!

I have really been neglecting my blog during this break. Poor thing.

I felt so bad that I gave it a little makeover :)

Remember this show from back in the day? It is from hence that I gathered my inspiration.

Is it bad that I'm obsessed with dark blue?

Short Absense.

I don't know if it's just me, but I don't have much time to veg in front of the computer anymore. Now that I'm at home, I'm busy working out and getting things for school by day, and various social engagements by night..

Don't worry! I'll be back next wednesday :)

Here's a preview of whats to come:

I am decorating my dorm door.. Nautical theme!

I took this picture with my laptop because I left the cord for my camera in my dorm...

I compiled all the reasons I am in love with Gossip Girl into one post. If you love GG, you will love it!

What has everyone been up to?

2010 in Movies

Some flicks I'm looking forward to and whyyyyyy :)

1. The Lovely Bones

The book was amazing. I have high hopes for the movie.

Release date: January 15

2. Shutter Island

I will watch anything with Leonardo DiCaprio. I have been wanting to see this movie for sooooo long and the developers moved the release date three times. I have been craving this thriller.

Release date: February 19

3. Alice in Wonderland

Tim Burton + Johnny Depp = Amazingness. Always.

Release date: March 5

4. Toy Story 3

This is really happening. 'Bout freaking time; I've only been waiting since I was twelve.

Release date: June 18

 
.5. Inception

One word title. No official plot released. This movie would look really unappealing except for the Leo DiCaprio. Thank goodness for him.

 Release date: July 16

 

6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

The search for the horcruxes begins.

Release date: November 19

7. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Does anything even need to be said about this? The book was almost entirely from Jacob's perspective and hopefully the movie stays true. The makers can't afford to mess this up.

Release date: June 30

I'm no five-star movie critic. I want to hear other peoples opinions of these movies also!!

I am like so ready to change the name of my blog.

Any suggestions?

I'm open to any input :)

This is the post where I review movies.

I have seen SO many great movies this break. You've heard of them.

1. Avatar
This Movie is da bomb. Yes, that's right, da bomb. Don't believe me? Go see it and prove me wrong :) I saw it in IMAX 3D, and I heard it's not very good any other way....

 2. Sherlock Holmes
This movie was so great. Don't look away for one second, or you'll miss out on some huge detail. I so loved the wit and character of Holmes. He is my hero. I am going to take a page from his book on learning to be observant.
I have decided I am in love with Watson; he is a cutie.

3. The Blind Side
Tim Mcgraw is amazing. Sandra Bullock is amazing. The guy who plays Micheal is amazing. I'm thinking you should go see this movie. Oh wait, you already have.

4. It's Complicated.

I didn't love this movie. I don't know if I would reccomend it to anyone. Its jsut about old people who hook up. Gross. My favorite character was this guy, John Krasinski. He made the movie so much more enjoyable for me.

 'Tis the season for good movies.

Step lightly upon this world

I resolve..

To minimalize.

I am going to try to live with just 100 things.

I made the list, and its long.

Like really long.

Like 100 things long.

but here are the guidlines.

1. "Personal Things" means things that are entirely or mostly mine. Clearly family-shared and household things (e.g. dining room table, bed, plates, etc.) are not considered a personal thing.
2. A few items are counted in groups. This includes underwear and socks. I'm keeping a whole bunch of both. However, I am still human. The idea of trying to manage laundry with a few pairs of underwear and socks is both unrealistic and gross.
3. I've left myself some cushion in case I receive a gift or two over the next year. But hopefully everyone who might give me a gift knows that they shouldn't! Anyway, once I receive a gift, I have 7 days to figure out what to do with it before it counts toward my 100 Thing Challenge. I figure that should be enough time to either graciously lose it or get rid of some other thing.
4. Finally, I can get new things. But I have to always remain under 100 things total. And also if I am "replacing" something, I have to get rid of the original thing first before I get the new thing.

I am going to need some major luck with this one.

source

To Conserve Water.

This one is easy, I will definitely turn off the sink while I'm brushing my teeth.

I will carry a reusable water bottle with me.

I will take "Navy showers" (turning on the water in the shower, getting wet, turn off the water while scrubbing and bathing, then turning the water back on to rinse) as often as possible.

source

really the minimalist one is the main one. I think it would be pretty neat to try and live with few posessions.

and for once, I am not resolving to stay on a diet, because I've been pretty alright at doing so over the past few months!

Happy New Years!