I want to live for something.

I want to succeed. I want life to be perfect, even when it isn't. I want to tell you about how my best friend's laughter is something that makes me feel whole again. I want to feel the depth of my emotions. I want to think back to times when I felt alive and angry and sad and anxious and happy and annoyed and I want to r e m e m b e r it. I want to scratch the surfaces of my past and get enough of the substance under my fingernails to carry around with me, to remind me, but not to break me.
I want to fall in love with a guy that will love me back. I want our love to be real. I want to feel its reminders, my heart pulsing in my wrists, something real in my chest. I want to spend so much time with him that we become less like to people and more like one person. I want words of my unwinding day to be taken in by him, not pulled along by the air into no where. I want the ability to give all of my love to one person and not let romantic love die inside me. I want to agree to never grow apart, but always closer.
I want to give everyone everything. I want to always be there when you want me there. I want to stop keeping things at arms length. I want to find a flame and swallow it whole. I want to fall in love with strangers and daydream about running away. I want to stop waiting for the storm to pass and learn to deal with metaphorical rain.
I want to know that all my steps from these last sixteen months were leading up to here and I want the best for everyone I've ever met in this journey. I want to love with everything I've got, and bear the trouble of the ones I love. I want to care about the things they love! I want to be a person people enjoy being around. I want to hear their stories about life and love, still waiting to be unmasked.
I want to scream as loud as my voice will let me, and not muffle the sounds. I want to stop walking around with anger and resentment in my veins, I don't want to carry it forever.
I want to believe that growing older means growing bolder.
I want to walk on water because I have been swimming in surrender long enough.
I want to soar on wings like eagles.
I want to run and not grow weary.
I want to walk and not faint.